“People say I’m lazy, dreaming my life away / Well, they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me / When I tell them that I’m doing fine watching shadows on the wall / ‘Don’t you miss the big time, boy. You’re no longer on the ball’ / I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round / I really love to watch them roll / No longer riding on the merry-go-round / I just had to let it go.” — John Lennon

*******

I often think that I need to change my daily routine. Alter it in some quiet way so I can make my day better. Especially in the early morning hours when I take that first sip of coffee, open the laptop and scroll through the news that had accumulated there on the screen while I was asleep. It’s a merry-go-round of bad news that is getting worse.

The front page of most any news site is filled with stories of sadness, loss and grief. Scandals plagued by ineptitude, hate buoyed by complacency and in a sense it feels as if we are all in it mostly for our self, and now another war in the Middle East. That is why this morning, the news remains hidden and I am playing the music of John Lennon.

Today, I miss John Lennon. He was as genuine a person as they come. He wore his feelings and his beliefs directly on his sleeve. How do I know this? I know this because of his music. And once I found his music I yearned to learn more about his life after he stepped off the merry-go-round. Lennon was an artist who spoke from within and I guess for me, one who spoke truth no matter the audience.

Then in a flash his physical world was changed forever. He was no more in body. He was no more in personality, voice or fodder for exploitation.  I believe that when we become bored with life we sometimes seek out a shocking alternative in narrative and sometimes in our actions. We seek to shock others, but mostly we seek to shock our self, to stay awake, to remain relevant.

Artists tell truth with their work. The work is never deceitful or fake. An artist’s work is pure and comes from a deep emotional place within their soul. Unblemished, unfiltered, it has to be the truth. Our humanity is built to illicit the truth, spring goodness to the surface whenever we connect to the moment and listen to our inner voice. Safe to say, there are not many of us doing that these days. Today’s headlines are proof.

And when we are drawn to the work of a particular artist, we surrender emotionally. There is an immediate connection, whether coming from across a gallery or museum floor, a melody that dances halos around one’s head or strident words in print that coalesce to bring emotion to the surface in full color. We are made better by this experience. The merry-go-round is paused for a brief moment.

Many distant friends ask me how I spend my days in Maine. The question comes from their perspective that this place, this home of mine is challenging, isolated and way up there away from all the chaos. I chuckle to myself, because there is a merry-go-round everywhere.

I write, I read, I take photographs and I listen to music. When I do all of these things I am listening to myself. I am at peace and finding peace while living life fully and without regret. Sometimes the miraculous happens. Sometimes words decide to show up on their own. Maybe an image without any warning appears in the frame or a lyric, melody or even the remnant of a forgotten dream arrives. Lost friends from the past and present take me by the hand and pull me off the merry-go-round.

The change I seek now is to dive head first into that next day, into myself and look for goodness within any piece of that day. Obscure the nastiness from the domain I alone can control, take a deep breath, relax and realize there is only so much time to enjoy life. I can listen to a song, enjoy a painting, a piece of writing, a sculpture, the elements of nature, and I can play John Lennon.

With Christmas upon us and a new year waiting in line, why can’t we imagine a world where there are no more mind games? If we change our ways, our habits just a little, then maybe our place in the world gets better. If we give peace that chance with ourselves and with each other, then maybe we, too, can get off the merry-go-round and make the world a better place.

*******

“Ahhh, people ask me questions, lost in confusion / Well, I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions / Well, they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind / I tell them there’s no hurry, I’m just sitting here doing time / I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round / I really love to watch them roll / No longer riding on the merry-go-round / I just had to let it go.” — John Lennon

© 2023 RJ Heller

First published: The Quoddy Tides, December 22, 2023